In a recent article entitled "Need Disguised as Love" I make the point that individuals generally confuse love for something that is actually driven by need.
For instance, "the need to be needed", "the need to not be alone", "the need to be validated", and "the need to be taken care of" regularly pass themselves off as "I love you". In other words when two individuals enter into a relationship their motives for doing so are often not genuinely motivated by feelings of love.
Now I know that many of you will be upset by my saying that. If you are please don't trust me on it just recall the last time you experienced a failed relationship and why it failed. I think that 9 times out of 10 it was because your partner "failed to meet your needs", correct?
So I rest my case!
So why is it that love plays such an insignificant role in relationships? Well that is a complex issue but let me try to explain.
Love, true love originates and is felt in the Heart of the individual. It is associated with feelings of joy, light heartedness, inner peace, contentment with life, a sense of being care free, an deep inner wisdom and a child like attitude towards life to name a few.
It is something that we are all born feeling but with time and age the Heart starts to close down. This shutting down occurs each time we experience something that the Heart gets hurt by. Now by "hurt" I mean two different things.
On the one hand there is the common definition i.e. being hurt equals being disappointed when something that is desired doesn’t come to pass.
Additionally though it means that it, the Heart is not honored as the essence and center of that individual's life choices or decisions. By this I mean that when the Heart feels passion for something, that passion represents that Heart's desire for that thing.
Now because that feeling of passion equates, in my view one's life force, one's reason for being, one's core values, indeed what one values and gives meaning and color to their life, when it is ignored it is equivalent to the individual being ignored.
When that individual "suffers" a series of such slights the Heart slowly, bit by bit starts to shut down. As it does the individual not only becomes numb to the feelings that emerge from there i.e. love, joy sadness, light heartedness, passion etc. they also become numb to themselves i.e. who they really are.
This is equivalent to saying that they stop "feeling themselves" and hence start to feel a deep sense of emptiness inside. This feeling state, is associated with such things as low self esteem, low self worth, low self confidence, fear of being alone, inadequate, fear of not being loved and so on.
When this happens they become desperate to reclaim some of their self esteem, self worth, self confidence, sense of security, love and so on. Rather than looking for all this from within they "think" instead that it can be gotten from without. That is from someone else through a relationship.
This is when their need, which is really a need to reclaim the Heart, passes itself off as love and becomes the motivator for starting a relationship. Of course since the need can only be filled by the Heart itself, the partner's ability to fill this need will always fail.
Having said all of this, the important point to be made is that for a relationship to be successful, the Heart of an individual must be sought first, must be re-opened, and the real person who is represented by that Heart must be fully present and alive first.
If you pursue this path then you will not only know real love, you will have success in relationship and life beyond your wildest dreams.
If you'd like to know more about how this can become possible for you kindly visit the web link below where you will find a special audio message waiting for you.
Dr. Nick Arrizza is trained in Chemical Engineering, Business Management & Leadership, Medicine and Psychiatry. He is an Energy Psychiatrist, Healer, Key Note Speaker,Editor of a New Ezine Called "Spirituality And Science" (which is requesting high quality article submissions) Author of "Esteem for the Self: A Manual for Personal Transformation" (available in ebook format on his web site), Stress Management Coach, Peak Performance Coach & Energy Medicine Researcher, Specializes in Life and Executive Performance Coaching, is the Developer of a powerful new tool called the Mind Resonance Process(TM) that helps build physical, emotional, mental and spiritual well being by helping to permanently release negative beliefs, emotions, perceptions and memories. He holds live workshops, international telephone coaching sessions and international teleconference workshops on Physical. Emotional, Mental and Spiritual Well Being. Business URL #1: http://www.telecoaching4u.com Personal URL: http://www.telecoaching4u.com/Spirituality_And_Science.htm Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Nick_Arrizza,_M.D. |  |
